With all the stories we’ve read in class, I have been trying to compare what we’ve read to my own writing style and to see how I can improve. I enjoy writing conversation (both internal and external) and using that to develop characters. My greatest weakness has always been descriptions. So while my conversations help develop characters, there is always a depth missing that a good detailed description can give. A good example of that can be found in the The Blue Girl by Laurie Foos:
The day on the lake the sun raged and blistered our daughters, all fifteen and seeming to want to burst free of their bathing suits… We did not allow them to swim but kept them close to us on the beach towels and watched them slather themselves in oil. They sprayed their hair with lemon juice and smiled at each other but never at us… We were vain then, did not want wrinkles to drive our husbands away from us, men who already shrank at the feel of the stuble on our legs and under what had once been smooth arm pits and creamy thighs.
The Blue Girl, page 35
Not much happens in this scene, but it is still able to tell much of the story. It develops the narrator’s character more than any dialog in the story. It tells of the conflicts between mothers and daughters as well as their vain attempt to remain “perfect” for their husbands.
A good description can set the scene. The opening of The Fix by Percival Everett paints the scene perfectly, down to the last detail allowing the reader to easily picture it:
Douglas Langley owned a little sandwich stop and the intersection of Fourteenth and T streets in the District. Beside his shop was a seldom-used alley and above his shop lived a man by the name of Sherman Olney, whom Douglas had seen beaten to near extinction one night by a couple of silky-looking men who seemed to know Sherman… He steeped out into the November chill and discovered the sound was actually that of the larger man’s fists finding again and aging the belly of Sherman Olney, who was being kept on his feet by the second assailant.
The Fix, Page 3
There have been many other examples of scene development, but these were the two that stuck out the most to me. It is my goal to be able to mimic what they were able to do and incorporate it into my writing.
Katee's Writing 